This part of the journey has been really challenging. I did not realise that I did not know how to say no until I started to really pay attention to my life and where I was at. Until I realised I used to get really anxious when someone asked me something that I did not want to do and then I ended up saying yes. Until I realized how overwhelmed and burned out I was in all areas of my life because I thought I could do everything and I did not know how to say: “Sorry I cannot do it”, without feeling guilty, without responding stressed or angry.
Once I started to reflect in every area of my life, making lists of what was working and what was not working, I was able to reflect on what I did not want to do anymore, what did not fit into my life and routine.
Unfortunately, that did not come easy. I had to be really burned out and stressed for a few years, hit rock bottom and have anxieties problems to understand that I needed to prioritise my wants and my needs to and that was not selfish.
And I’m here to tell you that. You are not a selfish mother, partner or co-worker if you say no. You won’t be wrong if you set boundaries for yourself and start accepting only what fits into your routine and what you can handle at the time. This is prioritizing your mental health and by doing that, you will be able to be a better person as well.
When I set my boundaries up, I started to say a few No’s at a time, not all at once. I started at home, changing my routine, setting what was non-negotiable and sticking to it. The next step was to start doing that at work, which I still struggle with nowadays, but much better. I started to really talk about what was working and not and made some tough decisions, which let me have my business nowadays. It was not and it is not easy at all, but girl, I feel much better and much lighter.
In this journey, I went to deep holes to understand why I had difficulties in saying no. I have discovered that most of the reasons came from my childhood, how I grew up, where the necessity of pleasing people came from, why I was afraid of saying no and reflected on many moments I did day and still do. That was no joke and I’m still in this journey and probably will be for a while. However, I have learned the importance of getting to know myself, of taking care of myself and prioritizing myself in it.
Don’t take me wrong, it takes a lot of courage to look into your deeper self and it is not a fast nor a straight road. There are lots of ups and downs, tough choices to make, relationships you have to break so you can literally feel free.
Free to set your boundaries, free to say no without guilt, free to live the life that fully fills you.
Love,
Dea