Realising I need to take care of myself took a little while. A few years, a few meltdowns and a few attempts since I have become a mother. My boys now are 7 and 5, but I remember clearly when they were babies how hard it was to even think about having some time for myself in the middle of feeding, changing, sleep deprivation, house, cooking, work, etc.
I did not. This is the reality. When they were very little, there was no time for me as I do not have any support system with me. Especially when I had my second, and needed to take care of 2 babies. I was completely in the middle of the loop and “me time” was in the middle of their time. I was too lost to be able to organize a routine which I had me time and had very short time for myself.
In the middle of it, I had to think about ways to earn money as we could not survive on just one income, which made things harder as my “free time” was work time too. That led me to gaining weight, not being happy with myself, being stressed and anxious over time. On the other hand, I did enjoy my boys as babies so much, as much as possible and was present all time. It was my choice to stay home with them until they were 1 year old and figured things out.
Looking back now, I do not regret it but I would have made some things differently. I wish I had organized my routine a bit better so I could at least go to the gym, or meditate more, or have some me time more. Let go more, you know? Let hubby do more, call for more help, share more! I did not and did not have the maturity for it, which is okay. But that is why I’m here, telling you that it can be better.
Today, as they are older and as I have been through some challenging times until I reached a point where me time had to be a priority, my routine is way more stable, way more balanced, and me time happens almost every day. Of course I have other challenges but I find that I’m a bit more awake nowadays. I can understand how I feel when I do not have time for myself, when I’m exhausted, irritated and how this affects me. My children and family. Because of that, I have decided to change my routine and time to be non-negotiable.
I just want to quickly say that it is okay if you do not have time for yourself today, if you are in the middle of the chaos, postpartum time is limited. IT IS a phase and it will get better. But while it does not, trying to prioritize yourself at least once a week for a longer shower while baby naps for example can start to exist into the routine and you will start feeling better and things will start getting better too. But do not put more pressure on yourself.
So how do I do it? I got used to waking up earlier, before kids, to meditate and exercise, to connect with myself before the world. Check in with me before I start all the tasks. I also fit in exercising if not every day, at least 5 times a week and this is non-negotiable as if I’m not healthy, I won’t be able to take care of anyone. And, when I exercise, I feel so much better throughout the day. I also had to say a few “NOs” to hubby, to have a conversation about what needed to change, what is non-negotiable for me and together, we have created a routine that works for everyone. Also, the simple fact of organizing the routine ahead, meal prepping during the weekend, and having all commitments into an agenda, really helps me to access my routine and how I can fit in my time. And with that, I’m able to have a routine for the kids and an early bed time (we are an early awake family), so once they go to bed, I also have time there or time with hubby. Sleep is also a priority and I go to bed early, otherwise I cannot function. Weekends are also easier where I can do some of my things too. Those are a few ways I found it works for me.
Is my routine perfect? NO. Am I always happy and relaxed? NO. Do I follow the same thing everyday? Definitely not. Life happens, things change and some days are busier than others. But with a set routine, and a few times, I'm able to cope with the demands of being a mother with nothing needed to struggle mentally all the time, without needing to take medication to calm down, without having anxiety attacks or being burned out.
I’m STILL coming with the realization that this is life. Every day is a challenge but every day can also be a beautiful day. So we need to embrace it. But embrace it in a conscious way where we are our priority so we can then be okay to take care of others. And that if I do not take care of myself, no one will.
Love, Dea