Are my dreams still important?

I have always been a BIG dreamer, but also a big achiever. 

I was raised by the belief that we need to always chase happiness in life as life is too short, and this I’m thankful for as it is so true. Having dreams, desires, goals, keeps us moving towards our happy life and once we achieve those, when dreams come true, is one of the best feelings. 

BUT, here comes the but, when we become mothers, our priorities change so much right? We stop thinking about ourselves, our dreams, our desires and everything comes into a different perspective. 

If I move to this town, would it be safe for my child to grow up? If I become friends with that person, would they be a good influence on my child? If I get that job that I always wanted, would that fit into my child routine? And so many other questions that we have to think about and consider, that it is so easy to believe our dreams are not that important anymore. 

Of course that this is indeed a part of having children and a part of making the decision of having a child and a family. This is a big dream too. And when we see our child, our family unit, our heart is full. I agree with that. We become responsible for that little human for a couple of years and we always want what is best for them, and that is a great thing. So great that we meet a force inside us that we did not even know existed. We learn how strong we are and have become even more stronger to achieve those big dreams. 

On the other hand, we can also fall into a place where we do not know if that dream is because we really want it, because it is the best for that child, or because society tells me to do, or my family says it is the right way, my partner tells me that this is the best for our family or just because other people are doing it. We get lost in our own dreams and desires. That sometimes can be really confusing, tiring and challenging, as we disconnect from ourselves and what we really want and desire. 

Not a surprise that I did fall into this place. After the first years of motherhood, I found myself in this place: not knowing what my dreams were, thinking that that was it, that I had to compromise so much of what I really wanted because now I have children. But remember that dreamer? She SCREAMED NO, and I was able to slowly get back to myself. I was able to slowly stop everything, reflect on every aspect of my life, analyze what I really wanted and between a few failed attempts, get back on track and start writing down (and achieving) those big dreams again. 

If you ask me how I started, I would say that I had to get to know myself again. I had no idea who I was anymore, or I liked or disliked. So I started writing. Making a list of what I liked to do, what I did not like to do. Lists of what I accepted and what I did not. List of things I was good at and what I was not good at. List of things I wanted to do and what I did not want to do. These lists slowly made sense and gave me the direction I needed to start making the changes I needed and to start writing again my big dream and a plan to achieve it. Even in the middle of the chaos motherhood is.

During this path, I have learned that my dreams are SO important. My dreams are what makes me wake up every day excited to live, to achieve, to do what I need to do. To have the discipline to focus on the days I do not want to, to put myself as a priority, to organize my routine that FIT my dreams. They make me become a happier mother and that shows my children that their dreams are important and possible. 

I will repeat how many times I need to, it is NOT easy, it is NOT perfect, it requires a lot of self work, self reflection and courage to act on very uncomfortable aspects of us. Saying no when everyone says yes, sharing outloud that project you created from that big dream, going against your family and friends, is never smooth. But so worth it as you are being true to who you really are. 

So if you are feeling lost, you are feeling you do not have a dream anymore, I invite you to stop, have some time for yourself, get pen and paper, and make lists of what makes you happy, what you do not like anymore and write down every single dream you have and how you can achieve it. 

The big question is: If there was NO one around, no expectations and unlimited resources, what would you do and who would you be? When you find this answer, go for it :)

Love,
Dea.